took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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