jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His nipple licking is glorious
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