I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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