a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
