I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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