i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
