I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
