omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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