Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
