he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
