Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
