Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
