I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
