Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't make out with my wife yet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
