this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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