there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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