i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
