If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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