my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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