Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize