First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
