Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
