these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
