you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
