Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
