beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
