Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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