Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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