it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
