I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
