im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
