we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
