did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
