About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
