the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
