im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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