I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
how drunk are you?
Several
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
