miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
