just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
