I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
