Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
