how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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