So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
