6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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