I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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