smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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