she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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