Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
