she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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