Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
