I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
