I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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