Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
