Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize