The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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