...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
