but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
