I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
