I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
