You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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