There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize