You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
