i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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