my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
