wanna go halves on a baby?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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