Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
