you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
