Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
