I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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