I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
