You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
