My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
420 ftw
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
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Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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