im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found your dick twin last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
