My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just high enough for therapy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
