he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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