Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
