If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
