addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I did not marry a roomba.
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