I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
